rsvp not optional

A fabulous individual whom I will simply address as the future Mrs. Anonymous recently wrote to ask:What is the proper procedure for dealing with people who fail to respond to a wedding invitation? The invites started going out August 15th; the responses were due in by September 20th; we’ve got nine days to go, and we still have people who have given no indication of having received an invite, much less decided whether or not they’re coming. The laggards include: one of my mother’s cousins; a co-worker of mine who should not have failed to miss my asking for her home address via email; an ex-co-worker whose wedding I was unable to attend, but for whom I sent a gift; a pair of old college friends ； and a number of my fiancé’s relatives. I am not counting in that group the friend who I had to bug three times just to get his address, then failed to respond to the invite, then finally said, “I’m sorry, I’m checking flights now” on Sunday via email and has not contacted me since. I’m not nearly as annoyed with the people who have at least responded to my bugging via email. But — ARRRRRGH. We have to give the final count to the caterer next week. With all the things I’ve got going on — dress yesterday, flowers tomorrow, hair Sunday,Wedding Gloves, and did I mention that I’m a full-time graduate student AND working? — I do not need to be chasing people down and saying, “Chicken? Salmon? Veggie? TELL ME!” Anyway. There is an actual question buried somewhere in this rant. I suspect that the best etiquette handling, when speaking to people who were slack on the response front, is to smile sweetly and say, “It was lovely! We missed you! You must have been busy,” or something to that effect. But if Emily Post or any of her descendents has specific instructions for Dealing With People Who Don’t Even Bother to Acknowledge That You Wanted Their Presence During Your Special Day Et Cetera, I would love for you to bring it to the blogreaders’ attention.Well, first off,A-line Wedding Dress, Mrs. Anon,Empire Wedding Dress, let me just say that I sympathize. I know a lot of couples going through this right now, wondering how they can politely explain to those people who believe that RSVP stands for RESPOND SOMETIME I’ll wait VERY PATIENTLY that they included response cards in their wedding invitations for a reason. And after hosting scores of parties during which people either showed up without accepting my invitation or failed to attend without declining, I am convinced that the practice of RSVPing is going down the toilet.So the short answer to your question is,Wedding Veils, the proper procedure for dealing with people who fail to respond to wedding invitations is to draw and quarter them. Just kidding ? that's just in my dreams.Two rudes don’t make a right,Sheath Wedding Dress, so I’m afraid brides- and grooms-to-be getting hassled by caterers who need final counts cannot vent their frustrations by sending angry missives to those who are remiss in their guestly duties. Unfortunately, whether you are busy or not, the best tactic is the proactive one. It’s a lot harder for those still holding on to their response cards to ignore the ringing of a telephone than it is for them to overlook your e-mails. Call them directly and ask sweetly whether they plan to attend. Those no-shows who manage to evade your tendrils of telephonic communication should be addressed politely and coolly in the future. Should they choose to explain themselves, it is then up to you to decide whether or not to offer forgiveness.As for what to do about the needs of your caterer, if you can afford it, give yourself a little leeway and add a few more plates to your final tally. If you’d rather not drop the extra cash ， as a last resort, try sending those who have not yet RSVPed an e-mail or a voicemail stating how sorry you are they will not be attending and how much they will be missed. It may prompt them into action.And since you asked, I had to look up Miss Manners' take on this.In her Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, she suggest that if she were in your shoes, she would “hang on to the list of people who needed prodding” because it can serve as “an invaluable reminder, for the next party,Cocktail Dress, of whom not to invite.” ZING!